New Yorker Trapped in a Southerner’s Body
Even though I was born and raised in Memphis, lived there again from 1998-2006, and lived in Oxford from 2022-2026, I have found the South to be perplexing during this last go-around—so much so that I even asked DeepSeek about it. To try and understand people’s words vs. actions, AI answered my query with an interesting analysis:
The South
Verbal warmth: High (verbal)
Follow-through: Low (situational)
Plan-making: Rare
Will they miss you?: Yes, genuinely
What to expect: Warm words, genuine affection, but rarely concrete plans. You'll be missed when you leave, but don't expect help packing.
NYC
Verbal warmth: Low (direct)
Follow-through: High (if you click)
Plan-making: Frequent
Will they miss you?: Maybe, if close
What to expect: Blunt and fast. Can feel rude. But if someone says "let's grab a drink," they mean it and will text you tomorrow.
DC
Verbal warmth: Low (professional)
Follow-through: Medium (agenda-driven)
Plan-making: Agenda-driven
Will they miss you?: Maybe, if useful
What to expect: Politeness is transactional. People connect over work, status, or utility. Follow-through depends on what you can offer.
Hawaii
Verbal warmth: High (genuine)
Follow-through: Medium (slow, relaxed)
Plan-making: Relaxed
Will they miss you?: Yes, but slowly
What to expect: Warm and welcoming, but on "island time." Plans are loose. Follow-through happens, just whenever.
Bay Area
Verbal warmth: Low-medium (friendly but distracted)
Follow-through: Low (commitment-phobic)
Plan-making: Rare
Will they miss you?: Probably not (they forgot)
What to expect: People are nice but flaky. Everyone is busy, overcommitted, and vaguely anxious. "Let's do lunch" means "I like you as a concept."
Honestly, I found this breakdown to be accurate for the most part, and it represents the main places I’ve lived—well, not NYC, but just outside of it. If I had to make a set of bullet points for myself, this is what it would look like:
Susan
Verbal warmth: High (direct)
Follow-through: High (if we click)
Plan-making: Frequent
Will they miss you?: Yes, if we’re close
What to expect: Blunt. Warm words, genuine affection, and concrete plans.
Using the above data, I entered it back into Deepseek and asked AI to break it down for me. The following is what I got:
Your Social Style Profile
NYC: 90% match
You have the high follow-through and frequent plan-making of NYC, plus the warmth they lack. You're essentially a warmer, kinder New Yorker.
Hawaii: 75% match
You share Hawaii's warmth and genuine affection, but you're much faster and more reliable with follow-through. You're Hawaii with a sense of urgency.
The South: 60% match
You match the South's high verbal warmth, but you far exceed their follow-through and plan-making. You're a Southerner who actually shows up.
DC: 50% match
You have DC's follow-through and plan-making, but yours comes from genuine connection, not agenda. You're DC with heart.
Bay Area: 20% match
You are almost the opposite of the Bay Area. You show up, you mean it, and people remember you. The Bay Area would find you exhausting.
I’ve always said I’m an East Coaster trapped in a Southerner’s body, and I guess this profile supports that idea. If NYC weren’t so expensive, had more green space, and better weather that didn’t exacerbate my allergies, I might actually move there. But for now, as I slide into Chapter 10 of my life, I’ll be returning to the Bay Area (my previous home for 10 years) where I have amazing friends who tell me they love me, hang out with me frequently, and have missed me while I’ve been gone.
One last point, which DeepSeek overlooked—all the other places I have lived are transient. Whereas DC, NY, Hawaii, and the Bay Area have people coming and going all the time, the South is not like that. These folks were born, raised, live, and die here, which is an entirely different experience than that of nomads, moving from place to place because of school, work, or relationships. Wanderers, like myself, are typically on the lookout for fresh adventures and new connections, whereas social circles in the South were established years ago and weekly activities are already set. Even though I have adored my time in Oxford, it’s more of a rock than a roller coaster vibe, and I’m a girl who likes to keep it movin'.